All of my life I've wondered what I was going to be when I grew up. As a young kidlet I wanted to be many things. What I wanted the most was to be a singer. As early as first grade I would gather my friends during recess and choreograph a dance that we would perform while singing a laundry list of songs I made them practice. In case you're wondering we had the best rockstar band name EVER!!! We were called the Teddy Bears and you can just imagine how awesome our following was lol.
My teacher Mrs. Korea was gracious enough to allow us to perform for the rest of the class. I'm pretty sure they thought we were pretty ridiculous, but at the time I thought they rocked the classroom with us.
I actually did go on to sing in more musicals than I can remember, auditioned for Star Search *insert hysterical laughing and memories of watching Star Search with your family*, and sang in a praise and worship band as a young adult. We traveled, did outdoor concerts, and I loved singing with them every Saturday night. Those years are some of the best of my life. I thought I would go on to have a singing career because that's all I had ever wanted...ever since those days with the Teddy Bears lol.
But...life doesn't always work out the way you thought it would. I don't have to tell you that, it happens to every one at least once in their life. Before I knew it I was engaged to my first husband who was leaving for Basic Training. I was pumped to be an Army wife...whatever that meant. I was living in Tn and doing a whole lot of nothing. I mean, I was an assistant manager at Claire's and was pretty proud of that, but it's not like I was going on to make it a career. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I just knew it was temporary while I waited for my then fiance to finish training and then get stationed somewhere. I didn't even give much thought to what I wanted to be anymore, I guess i just figured I would make a good housewife and mom one day.
In 2003 I moved from Tn. to Fort Bragg Nc. where my ex husband was stationed. We had gotten married a few months prior and my life revolved around that. It's crazy because within the first 2 weeks of being at Fort Bragg, I knew I was meant to go in the Army. It had NEVER been a thought in my mind until I saw a girl in BDU's (battle dress uniform or what some call fatigues). It awoke a drive and motivation in me I didn't know existed. I was so excited and couldn't wait to do it. I did however wait an entire year before I left for Basic because I was 40 lbs. over weight and needed to get in shape. I started running and thus began my love affair with the sport. Some days I would get up at 5 am to run before work & then run after work from 6-7 pm. I was obsessed!!
A few months before I left for basic training my ex husband had surgery on his left ankle and heel. He had been injured jumping out of a plane (airborne op), and the surgery was supposed to fix things for good. It didn't, it made the injury worse. He was given pain meds to take while he was recovering at home during his 30 day convalescent leave. Unfortunately he became highly addicted to the meds and became a totally different person. He was unhappy with life, unhappy with everything, played Playstation and ignored me. Until one evening after work. We got in an argument (over something petty I'm sure) and I was going to go to the Library for a little while to give us both time to get over it. He wouldn't let me leave and barricaded himself in front of the front door. I tried to get through, but there was no way I could. I was so tired of the way things were going that I offered to go visit my family in Ca for a while. He told me that no one wanted me, my family didn't love me, and that I was useless. That night was the first time he hit me, and it didn't stop until after I came back from airborne school and one of his friends watched him punch me in the face so hard that I flew into my dining room wall, then slid down and hit the floor. That was the day it ended, because I wasn't the same person anymore. I heard his friend say "I told you not to hit her" and when I completely came to I stood up, walked towards him and picked him up. I walked into the bedroom with him and threw him on the bed, ran out, and stuck a chair under the door handle to lock him in. Then I left and filed for divorce not long after.
The entire reason I went into the Army was because I had a gut feeling that I needed to learn to be independent. I needed to become who God had intended me to be, and that there was a part of me that was sleeping and needed to wake up. I can say with full confidence that it was absolutely true!
While I was in the Army I LOVED every second of it. I was good at it and it made me realize my full potential in this life. I didn't settle for mediocre anymore and realized it's completely okay to reach for what may seem unattainable. I had every intention to make it a career. Matt and I both did. But, yet again life doesn't always work out the way you thought it would. I had the girls and for the first 6 months of their life I felt like I had completely lost my identity. When they were 4 months old I went to the recruiter to go back on active duty. I ultimately realized that that phase of my life was over and that I was okay with it. It wasn't easy, especially when we had family members asking when I was going back to work, or what I was going to do now. Matt always had the best answer "She already has a full time job, she's a mom to premature twins...isn't that enough". I did still feel lost though when it came to my career, work, outside life, etc... All of my friends had been in the military. I lost EVERY. SINGLE. FRIEND when they realized how much my life had changed. It was depressing, but a good lesson in the long run. I learned who my friends were...or rather that I truly had none.
In 2009 I enrolled back into school for Sports Medicine and Kinesiology at AMU. I worked hard as a full time student and a mom to twins while Matt was deployed. I did school work while Abby was in surgery after surgery that year, because my goal was to go to Medical School next. I finished at AMU in 2011 and realized I didn't want to be an MD, but I didn't want to just be Mom, wife, house keeper, laundry folder, nurse to Abby, etc... There's absolutely nothing wrong with being all of those things...those are all admirable things and more than enough for a lifetime, but I still needed something of my very own. Something that didn't have anything to do with feeding tubes, therapy, surgeries, cleaning, mothering, or folding laundry. I knew that I didn't want to put my kids in day care. Again, there's nothing wrong with that. Every one's life is different and for some that's a necessity and the kids love it. For me, I just wanted to be with my kids all of the time. I really like those turds!!!
I stumbled across the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and their philosophy made sense to me and paralleled mine. I enrolled and then graduated a year later as a Board Certified Practitioner and Health Coach. I started my practice in the middle of my school year and boy was it rocky the first 6 months. It wasn't until 2013 that things started to get busy and I really began to see the fruits of my labor. Doing what I do is fun and fulfilling, but it's also A LOT of hard work. Doctors have the luxury of computer systems that help them review their patients health history. There's nothing like that for my practice. Doctors also have the luxury of not focusing on the whole person (that's not really a luxury though now is it. I believe that's more like convenience on their part), so they never have to dig deep, research, and help the patient truly figure out why they're having this issue or that issue. My job is to help prevent, heal naturally, and encourage positive and sustainable change by helping the patient find what their body needs. It's not always easy and I've had some cases that were very difficult and the individual struggled through the program.
I personally have struggled over the last year when it came to my professional life. I didn't know if this was all for me. I was pregnant the majority of 2013 and didn't always want to get up and work. I actually was glad when I went on maternity leave because I could take a real break for as long as I wanted. After I got back into the groove of my new normal being a mom of now 3 kidlets, I realized that yes...I do still want to help people heal naturally, and that my passion for truly helping people is still there. I NEVER wanted to do something for the money aspect, I always wanted to do whatever I was meant to do because I was passionate about it. However I still haven't felt like I'm 100% where I'm supposed to be. I've prayed and asked God if I should go back to school. After much prayer and consideration I start at Campbell in August to finish up some pre requisites I need for possible future programs. Even though that would seem like enough, I still felt lacking in my practice. I've wanted more ways to help people reach their goals and fullest potential, just like so many have done for me along the way.
I've had a lot of people tell me that it would be great if I had a list of recommended clean products and recommended workouts. That's the one thing I can't offer those that I work with. I have had people go through my health coaching programs, lose the weight, stop smoking, kick soda, get off of medication for mood disorders, recover from leaky gut syndrome from gluten intolerance, control their ADHD naturally, etc... What I have come to a stand still with is what workouts to offer them. I want to be able to provide a well rounded wellness experience. What I realized was that if I'm not constantly progressing, than I become stagnant quickly. Maybe that's why I work out so hard and love cardio. If I'm not on a path to do better than I did before, then I become stagnant. That's just me and my personality. Due to the request for supplements, body care, etc... I became an Arbonne consultant because I believe in the integrity in their products.
So, I've been a Beach Body Coach for 3 years and LOVE every program I've ever done. I've done P90X, Yoga Booty Ballet, Hip Hop Abs, Insanity, and will soon have T25 going. Has anyone done Turbo Fire or Les Mills Combat? I really want to do both.
When my first marriage ended, I decided that I never wanted to be in a position where I couldn't provide for myself. When I got out of the Army, I knew I needed something that was mine, while also affording me the opportunity to make a difference in people's lives. It took me a really long time to get here, but I learned a lot about who I am. I set a lot of really big goals & you know what...I've reached them all!!! Through my time in the Army, my practice, and Beach Body I've been able to provide for my kids in ways I never thought I could. I love to look back on where I came from (I grew up part of my life on welfare and vividly remember standing in line for government cheese and peanut butter). My mom did what she had to to provide for us, and for that I'm forever grateful. When I think of the person I was when I was an assistant manager at Claire's, I get confused. I have no clue who that person was. When I think of who I was when I was allowing my ex husband to hit me for all of that time, I thank God that He had a plan for me. Anyone can pull themselves out of any situation, achieve success, and become whatever they want to be. If I could go through all of that (and more there's just not enough room and I'm so ready for bed) so can you!!! If you're a stay at home mom and need something that's your's, you can do it! There are so many options, it just takes the belief that you can, and the ability to lead with you heart!
My strength is my vulnerability
3 months ago